Sara Josefine

To my psychologist in education

  • 15.05.2017, 18:46

Justin Bieber - Life is worth living

I know I can swim. I'm good at swimming. But how far can I get, how strong am I, and where do I have to swim? Because I see nothing, I don´t know how far it is. To land where I can stand on two legs again. Feel the ground beneath me, feel the wind in my hair and breathe a breath of relief. How do I get there?

Right now I am pleased to be here. I can feel the small movements in the water that gently moves me in different directions. Feel that I slowly but surely move around. The water is so cold, but I've learned not to know it. I have learned to lie here and flow. That's what I know. Here I can stay breathing, preferably quiet, on top of the water surface.

I don´t want to swim. I'm afraid. Imagine if I´m not strong enough, think if I can´t find land. Where is the coastline. I can´t go out on this journey when I do not know where to swim, then it's just luck that can save me. If I start swimming against a spot where shore feels closest, and it's not there, I'm afraid to drown. I know that land exists, but where. Imagine if it gets too long, think if exhaustion is going to take me, I don´t think I can do it anymore. I cannot try again. I have been swimming for so long. I am so tired.

If I should find the desire and energy to swim again, I'm afraid it will be my last swim. And that's fine, but still, I hope I find land. It will be nice.

 

 

I was seven years the first time my mother took me to the children's swimming school. Mom wanted me to learn to swim and I just thought it was fun to swim. I remember the first time. I had changed and mom and I went into the swimming pool to the swimmer. We were out early so there were not so many others who had arrived yet. Stupid as I was, and unaware of the usual procedure, I jumped out into the water right away. Little did I know that we had to sit down at the poolside and wait until we were called up and were told to be allowed to jump in. The swimming instructor shouted me frantically out of the water and got me to the side of the pool. I even remember today how embarrassed I was, I didn´t do that again.

I went quickly up in level. It didn´t take long before I was on the last course of the children's swimming school and should start at the D-level. I remember I was so pleased. On the D-level you usually don´t get up until nine years old; I got up eight. The swimming evolved into becoming something I went on because I wanted to, unlike to how it was when I did it because my mom wanted d me to. I usually chose the hardest drill and was one of the only ones who swam all eight lengths without breath. I swam first in the course and finished first. I liked that.

I hadn´t yet been somewhat competitive in terms of competition. In the beginning, they started with recruiters where everyone won prizes. It wasn´t until I became ten years old and we attended a disqualifier where we could see results lists and know who swam fastest. I didn´t think so much about it in the beginning. I was at the top of the list in my age range anyway, and at a good margin. I even beat others that was one and two years older than me. The competition aspect of swimming came first in my head when I was eleven years old. It was the first year that I could be a prize and could participate in ÅM (year class). To qualify for ÅM was big. There were only the eighteen of the best in the country, in their age class, aged 11-15, attending. That's when I got my eyes up for someone else who was eleven years who was much better than me. It was also fun, now I had someone on my own age to reach myself after.

After ÅM in Lambertseter I began to want to workout more. It became more important to me and it was something I prioritized. Of course, there were things I had to choose away if I wanted to be a good swimmer. Most afternoons when my classmates were together I was on swimming workouts. I had five swimming lessons during the week, as well as a trip to Rognan, which is 30 minutes by bus. But it didn´t matter to me, I had good friends in the swimming club, and I used to spend a weekend on a competition. I was able to travel in northern Norway by bus and make money for my first places, while the football people, put in a small cars, drove two hours away and played a match, where they at best got a prize.

01.20.2014

- Sara Josefine ♥

Sara Josefine

Hei! Mitt navn er Sara Josefine, jeg er 21 år, 95´er. Jeg liker å lese, se på Grey´s Anatomy, har dysleksi, fasinerer meg for menneskelig adferd, er en kjærestefri håpløs romantiker, avhengig av sukker og hater å ta feil...også ja, så er jeg lam. For kontakt: sarajosefine.blogg@hotmail.com

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